I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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