Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
