I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
