I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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