I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
