And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
