Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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