Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
