I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
