so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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