it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
