i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
