Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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