Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
