it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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