Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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