I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
