Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
