Your dad touched me again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
