we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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