I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
