literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
