He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
