sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
