I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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