Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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