Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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