Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
