Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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