We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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