He is an equal opportunity slut.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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