Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
