Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
