So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How's work?
Spinning.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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