I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
