hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
