I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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