speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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