She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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