I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
