Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
