Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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