i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it glows. i had to have it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
