evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
