I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
