I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
