just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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