never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
