the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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