just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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