How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
