i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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